"I have seen you in the sanctuary
And beheld your power and your glory." Psalm 63:2
Through the twirling around of my busy week, in anticipation of an exciting weekend, my body hit a brick wall with lack of sleep and a twinge of a headache. I sat for a few hours in the prayer room soaking in thoughts of God, how He's good, and how though I might feel quite aimless, He has perfect aim. Realizing that somehow I ended up on the other side of the Nation over the course of a year, in a ministry and life season that is challenging and awesome, and pursuing Him under the knowledge that He designed me to pursue Him as He pursues me in omnipotence. With the shaking reverberation of Ecclesiastes 5:2 I sit in the knowledge that "God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few." This weighty moment swirls in expectatous truth that God is the Creator of all, and I am a creator of but momentatous trinkets of affection that last less than a breath, because a breath is all that I am. But I have come time and time again tripping over words and desire, and out of generous mercy this universe shaping Hand has drawn close enough to let me know it's there without killing me. And somehow in those moments I've been stolen from the world in such a way that while I drive around during the day, love, talk, enjoy, struggle, and laugh; I am forever in the truth that my heart does not belong to the footstool but to the One who sits on the Throne. The Creator leans and whispers, "Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool. Where is the house you will build for me? Where will my resting place be?" (Isaiah 66:1) He whispers as not to deafen our feeble ears. And in a second the truth that the One who will, "execute judgment upon all men, and many will be those slain by the LORD" (v. 16)...is also the One who will comfort "...As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem." (v. 13) And in the phenomenon of a relationship with the Almighty God, the truth to His resting place, is that the Sovereign One chooses to make His resting place in the heart of His Bride.
"So come, once again, Lord Jesus. Make a resting place in this sometimes restless heart that has quieted down enough to hear You cut through the madness of a world growing cold in love. Tenderize my heart as I wait for Your touch. As I sit and look to You from the footstool of Your's, I cry out to You on Your throne. Your compassions, they fail not. You, arrayed in splendor, majesty, and power incomprehensible: please whisper into the humdrum and barrenness of a prayer room crying out for Your touch in so many ways. I have seen You in Your sanctuary and have beheld Your power and glory. Where else would I go now that I've tasted and seen You? You have stolen my affections and thoughts. You are my one desire; Oh Desire of the Nations, You are forever the desire of my heart. Amen."
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Chick-fil-a and a Thirsty Heart...Psalm 63: Part One
O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water. Psalm 63:1
I've noticed as I drove this morning that you can tell the morning people from the people who are driving out on the road completely against all will and sanity (them not being morning people). I was pulling into QT this morning and some person was pulling out and driving like a drunk (hopefully they weren't). I think non-morning people should have designated drivers if they need to be out on the road early (Myself included). Somewhere around Beaver Ruin Rd I began thinking of the fallen nature of 6:30 am (I remind you: I'm not a morning person and anything before 8am is called "Fallen"). Maybe it was just my humanity that was talking...but in the mad rush of traffic and cars bumper to bumper, an ache emerged that was more than my flesh. I know it was more than my flesh because after I partook of Chick-fil-a it was still there. And as I settled down into preparing for our (every-other-Wednesday) Escatology group, I just mumbled a half-fleshed/full-hearted prayer. "Come Lord Jesus." I just want Jesus. Through the morning sun slicing through the traffic lights of a city awakening and an already traffic jammed I-85, in the dry and parched land this thirsty mountain boy is crying out for the only satisfaction that can truely satisfy and plant a fearless joy, deeper than the ocean floor, in my heart.
Come, Lord Jesus.
earnestly I seek you
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water. Psalm 63:1
I've noticed as I drove this morning that you can tell the morning people from the people who are driving out on the road completely against all will and sanity (them not being morning people). I was pulling into QT this morning and some person was pulling out and driving like a drunk (hopefully they weren't). I think non-morning people should have designated drivers if they need to be out on the road early (Myself included). Somewhere around Beaver Ruin Rd I began thinking of the fallen nature of 6:30 am (I remind you: I'm not a morning person and anything before 8am is called "Fallen"). Maybe it was just my humanity that was talking...but in the mad rush of traffic and cars bumper to bumper, an ache emerged that was more than my flesh. I know it was more than my flesh because after I partook of Chick-fil-a it was still there. And as I settled down into preparing for our (every-other-Wednesday) Escatology group, I just mumbled a half-fleshed/full-hearted prayer. "Come Lord Jesus." I just want Jesus. Through the morning sun slicing through the traffic lights of a city awakening and an already traffic jammed I-85, in the dry and parched land this thirsty mountain boy is crying out for the only satisfaction that can truely satisfy and plant a fearless joy, deeper than the ocean floor, in my heart.
Come, Lord Jesus.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
A Break from a Break
Lately I've been journaling in my quiet time a lot, just focusing my energy inwardly...and personally. Because of this I've not written in a while. So I would like to mark this as a beginning of my sabbatical from my break. It's a sabbatical from my sabatical. An anti-sabbatical if you will. My goal is to write everyday this week, so check back!
Monday, September 12, 2005
Mercy: Part 4
Oh the still, cool night. Seasons come and go, and one thing that I've learned is that Springs and Falls in Georgia are awesome. (Summer has much to be desired, but it's sandwiched between two wonderful seasons) Last night during service at the House of Prayer, during ministry time, I felt something move inside of me that I hadn't in a while. It was an ache to return to the center of my being. Contemplatives through history always referred to the "center," the gut, the motivation, the essence of who you are...the heart of the heart. Well, mine drew me to my knees last night. In the middle of the band playing around room volume of 98 decibels, I felt a little, quiet tug at my heart. It was calling me to the quiet, a lot quieter than 98 dB, so I went out of the glass double doors of the prayer room and walked around the parking lot. I didn't take long before my heart was caught on the cresent moon that hung firmly in the air. In a second I felt peace, longing, and joy. When all those things shoot through your heart it sort feels like your heart's being tied in a knot. Such was the case last night.
The past few months I've felt like God has been leading me through a healing process. At first it just felt like I was continually bleeding all over the place with my brokenness. I'd start feeling better as though the wound would be healing, but then something would happen to where I'd just feel like the scab would be torn off and blood would start flowing again. But sometime in early July I felt God start to pick me with a surgeon's needle. The healing began to become very pointed as He started to seemingly address very specific issues in my life. I felt like He began to heal me with revelation and lessons in His love. Last night with the tying of my heart, I feel that He tied a the surgeon's thread...the stitch of His healing.
Staring at the moon everything was so peaceful. The world still rushed around me and the cacophonic notes could still be heard inside, but as I lifted my eyes up to the metaphorical mountains (the moon in my case) I felt a still small voice of reassurance that I was still held by the Universe Spinning Hand of God.
Jesus is coming back. Centuries have heard it, creation has groaned and waited...and waited...and waited. From soap box preachers to stuffy Sunday morning hymns we've heard it not knowing the full reality of the message. Escatological sermons have filled airwaves, hard wooden pews, and classroom chairs of higher learning. But the utter truth is that Jesus really is coming back. With fire in His eyes and garment stained red, He is returning as Judge, Faitful and True, Beginning and End, Faithful Witness, Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of kings and Lord of lords. All the crying out of the Church (the Bride of Christ) will not go unheard. The birth pained creation will restlessly cry out for its Creator, the Bride of Christ will cry out night and day in lovesick longing until that earthly moment breaks forth and collides with eternity.
CS Lewis wrote in his book "Mere Christianity":
"God is going to invade, all right: but what is the good of saying you are on His side then, when you see the whole natural universe melting away like a dream and something else~something it never entered your head to conceive~comes crashing in; something so beautiful to some of us and so terrible to others that none of us will have any choice left? For this time it will be God without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike eiter irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature. It will be too late then to choose your side. There is no use saying you choose to lie down when it has become impossible to stand up. That will not be the time for choosing: it will be the time when we discover which side we really have chosen, whether we realised it before of not. Now, today, this moment, is our chance to choose the right side. God is holding back to give us that chance. It will not last for ever. We must take it or leave it."
Maybe I was able to hear the voice last night because it was quiet enough to hear it. Maybe I heard it last night because before then I wasn't ready to hear it. Maybe it wasn't ready to tell me. But the revelation was broken through to my heart. The mercy of God that broke through was that Jesus (the Bridegroom) is waiting; He is longing for His Bride 7 zillion times more than she could ever long for Him. The moments of peace are mercy because the earth is erupting, crying out, bursting forth and the Bridegroom along with the rest of the Trinity are holding back for the Bride to be made worthy and pure, and for more to come to Him. The maturity of the Bride is beating strong in His heart. This moment is mercy.
The past few months I've felt like God has been leading me through a healing process. At first it just felt like I was continually bleeding all over the place with my brokenness. I'd start feeling better as though the wound would be healing, but then something would happen to where I'd just feel like the scab would be torn off and blood would start flowing again. But sometime in early July I felt God start to pick me with a surgeon's needle. The healing began to become very pointed as He started to seemingly address very specific issues in my life. I felt like He began to heal me with revelation and lessons in His love. Last night with the tying of my heart, I feel that He tied a the surgeon's thread...the stitch of His healing.
Staring at the moon everything was so peaceful. The world still rushed around me and the cacophonic notes could still be heard inside, but as I lifted my eyes up to the metaphorical mountains (the moon in my case) I felt a still small voice of reassurance that I was still held by the Universe Spinning Hand of God.
Jesus is coming back. Centuries have heard it, creation has groaned and waited...and waited...and waited. From soap box preachers to stuffy Sunday morning hymns we've heard it not knowing the full reality of the message. Escatological sermons have filled airwaves, hard wooden pews, and classroom chairs of higher learning. But the utter truth is that Jesus really is coming back. With fire in His eyes and garment stained red, He is returning as Judge, Faitful and True, Beginning and End, Faithful Witness, Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of kings and Lord of lords. All the crying out of the Church (the Bride of Christ) will not go unheard. The birth pained creation will restlessly cry out for its Creator, the Bride of Christ will cry out night and day in lovesick longing until that earthly moment breaks forth and collides with eternity.
CS Lewis wrote in his book "Mere Christianity":
"God is going to invade, all right: but what is the good of saying you are on His side then, when you see the whole natural universe melting away like a dream and something else~something it never entered your head to conceive~comes crashing in; something so beautiful to some of us and so terrible to others that none of us will have any choice left? For this time it will be God without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike eiter irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature. It will be too late then to choose your side. There is no use saying you choose to lie down when it has become impossible to stand up. That will not be the time for choosing: it will be the time when we discover which side we really have chosen, whether we realised it before of not. Now, today, this moment, is our chance to choose the right side. God is holding back to give us that chance. It will not last for ever. We must take it or leave it."
Maybe I was able to hear the voice last night because it was quiet enough to hear it. Maybe I heard it last night because before then I wasn't ready to hear it. Maybe it wasn't ready to tell me. But the revelation was broken through to my heart. The mercy of God that broke through was that Jesus (the Bridegroom) is waiting; He is longing for His Bride 7 zillion times more than she could ever long for Him. The moments of peace are mercy because the earth is erupting, crying out, bursting forth and the Bridegroom along with the rest of the Trinity are holding back for the Bride to be made worthy and pure, and for more to come to Him. The maturity of the Bride is beating strong in His heart. This moment is mercy.
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