Home

"The Kingdom of God is where we belong. It is home, and whether we realize it or not, I think we are all of us homesick for it." - Frederick Buechner

This morning I'm sitting on the porch, with coffee, and thinking about home. Which is a little ironic since I'm in my house. But house doesn't equal home. And the worlds that we carry around with us are so much more than the green and blue rock we live on. Frederick Buechner said it this way, “You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.” My world is the others that have been engraved in my mind and heart: my wife, my daughters, my siblings, my parents, my mentors, and some who were only on my path for a moment.

Lately, I had a time of healing prayer with a friend, where I was able to receive and listen to what God is saying through circumstance: past and present. I was reminded of a time that I experienced frequently in the mountains of Arizona. Lying on a picnic bench, staring up at the vast, crystal clear, constellation, and having the strong awareness that I was in the Lord's presence; as I spoke to Him, and as He whispered His sovereignty into my heart. That's home for me. And no matter how shaky today gets, I remember the truth that reverberated through my heart on those nights. That truth is still true. The Psalmist (46) referred to that reality:

God is our refuge and strength,
a helper who is always found
in times of trouble.
Therefore we will not be afraid,
though the earth trembles
and the mountains topple
into the depths of the seas,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with its turmoil. Selah

Home (with a capital H) is now and not yet. Jesus always spoke of the Kingdom ("of God" - and in some places "the Heavens") in such vibrant ways, with (I believe) the most vibrant being the invitation for the ragamuffin disciples to pray it onto earth, and then for His commission (to them and us) to be the bringers of that reality. There is life after death, but it starts now -not after death. Maybe each step of faith we take is making us live out the reality of Home now. And maybe every difficult leap thrusts us toward to that doorstep, that while it's not-yet, it is now. Jesus whispers to me "I'm still bigger than your problems," and He is; and it's one thing to hear it, and another to walk it out - believe it - bank on it - and be abandoned to it even when everything else seems to the contrary.

My song "Dust" has been coming to my mind lately.

"...Let the moon chase the morning sun

Let the stardust ride upon the dawn

Awaken my weary eyes to see

Your sovereign plan for me...

You're calling me Home" Dust

A Place to Be Human: Meditations on community part five

As a worship leader, I want to lead others in being authentic; because I believe that when we are authentic and real (with God and each other), our worship is authentic. I fully believe that our identity as Believers is tied up in and defined by Who God is and what He's done. At the same time, I believe that only when we are willing to come to God as humans in our sin and humanity, broken, needy, and honest, is there 'worship in spirit and truth' (John 4:23). There is the 'real truth' of God that needs to break through the false truths of how we define ourselves based on our shame and brokenness, or our self-righteousness. Every week, every worship set, every day I find myself awaking to a grey and skewed version of what creation 'ought' to be, to this place that needs a Savior, and needs new mercy...possibly even more than it did yesterday.

Brennan Manning touched this deeply throughout his Ragamuffin Gospel (1990), a snippet is seen here:

The prayer of the poor in spirit can simply be a single word: Abba...In this sense, there is no such thing as bad prayer. A third characteristic of the tilted-halo gang [ragamuffins] is honesty. We must know who we are. How difficult it is to be honest, to accept that I am unacceptable, to renounce self-justification, to give up the pretense that my prayers, spiritual insight, tithing, and successes in ministry have made me pleasing to God! No antecedent beauty enamors me in His eyes. I am lovable only because He loves me (p. 83).

And in that place He bears our shame, our false self, and sees us (somehow) as who we 'ought' to be. He sees Jesus. "Somehow," that is. I don't know how exactly, but He does it. And Christ becomes our 'true' (actual) self in His eyes. Hallelujah. And because it is truly grace, we can count on it, as we pray for Him to make that revelation true and enduring to (and in) our hearts.

Back to community. Being a place for ragamuffins clothed in Christ, I believe, is essential. My friend Mike's life message is: "being a safe place." Being a 'safe place' can at first seem slightly subjective to varying perspectives (how one defines 'safe'), but in this sense I believe that 'being a safe place' is to be a place that allows the walls come down: walls of self-righteousness, of weakness, of brokenness, and even apathy. A safe place to say "yes, I am part of the grey, skewed, world that I woke up inside of today...and I need a savior (the Savior)."

In his book Life Together (1954), Bonhoeffer wrote:

The final break-through to fellowship does not occur, because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners 

But it is the grace of the Gospel, which is so hard for the pious to understand, that it confronts us with the truth and says: You are a sinner, a great, desperate sinner; now come, as the sinner that you are, to God who loves you. He wants you as you are; He does not want anything from you, a sacrifice, a work; He wants you alone. "My son, give me thine heart" (Prov. 23:26). God has come to you to save the sinner. Be glad! This message is liberation through truth (p. 110-111).

Being a 'safe place' is to be a place of the grace of the Gospel, that realistically approaches the Throne of Grace (Hebrews 4:16) as a Body and says corporately and in confidence: "We need Your mercy, Lord. We are in need, Lord. Abba!" And I've found that taking this message (of unconditional love), to a world of conditional love is powerful. To embody that testimony of such a love (while being honest in our failures of carrying that love perfectly), I believe, is hopeful and contagious. There is joy there. When we come to the point where we realize we don't have to perform, but be honest and laugh and cry.

The LORD your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing (Zeph. 3:17)

Reference:
Bonhoeffer, D. (1954). Life Together. NY: Harper Row, Publishers.
Manning, B. (1990). The Ragamuffin Gospel. OR: Multnomah Books.

Definitive Prayer: Meditations on Community Part Two

Discipleship is crucial to the life of the Church/Christianity. But crucial to discipleship is a culture of prayer. I do believe that being a "house of prayer [for all nations]" is an underlying identity of the Church. My experience with the (primarily) program driven church in the U.S. is that true discipleship is rare. I mean we have Bible studies, small groups, and meetings, but intentionally coming together for learning how to do Jesus-stuff is often not done. I've even experienced outreach efforts without intercession for those who are intended to be reached. Now, my goal isn't to complain. My goal is to point out, encourage, maybe even confess :-) We must abandon to Christ if we want to experience all He has for us individually, with one-another, and those not (or some, not yet) in the family of Faith.

"Our Father"
I am so blessed that the Lord stoops low, so low in His love, that He chooses us, redeems us, calls to us, and beyond every interaction that we have recorded (or may hope to record), He goes even further to reveal that He is "Father" above all else. Not judge, not cosmic teddy bear, not transcedental buddy-o-pal, but our intimate Father.

"Thy Kingdom Come"
"Jesus, 'Thy Kingdom Come,' not mine. And in a world where Your Kingdom has only partly come, let it draw closer today. Let it draw closer than ever. Open my eyes to see You reveal it. I want to partner with Your heart. Rabbi, teach me. Father, let Your holiness invade this world through little ol' me, and Holy Spirit purify, counsel, and lead me - not where I go naturally, but where You would take me."

"Give us this day our daily bread"
"Father, please provide. Give me eyes to see the difference between my wants and my needs. And please give me a posture of giving."

"...and forgive us...as we forgive..."
Contemplative and social-activist Thomas Merton wrote:

"Remembering that I have been a sinner, I will love You in spite of what I have been, knowing that my love is precious because it is Yours, rather than my own. Precious to You because it comes from Your own Son, but precious even more because it makes me Your son." 

I have witnessed (and been a part of) religion that seems to be founded on guilt and shame. Unless the identity of a loving, kind, completely just, and completely merciful Father is the foundation of our belief, then getting to the part about sin is frightening. Unless that foundation is set, confession will be primarily fear based, and reconciliation may not genuinely happen. There are calls to repentance and there are absolutions, but even after forgiveness may be declared, shame can remain. I'm started to pray freedom in this portion of the Lord's Prayer. "Lord, forgive me where I've fallen, and free my heart to forgive others."

"...and lead us not into temptation...deliver us from evil..."

Evil is a waste of time. I mean, true, this tension of good and evil is a good tool for purification, but I'm finding that the more I intentionally live life with urgency, the more I want to run the other way from evil, because life is short. Ephesians 5 says,

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ (vs. 15-20).

As a worship leader, I love that the Lord considers singing songs to Him is a wise use of time. ...And being filled with the Spirit, not once but again, and again, and again, and again... My prayer for deliverance from evil is not out of fear. God's grace is stronger than evil, and I know that when I do fall, He is strong enough to pick me up, but the more I experience Him, the more I want to use every opportunity for doing good. I want to continue down the path He leads, because life is short. I want to be a part of His plan - which is eternal.

Amen.

Oscar Romero: a step back

It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view.
The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work.
Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying that the kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the church's mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
      an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.
This is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.
Amen. ~ Attributed to Oscar Romero

Whispers of sovereignty: Stacking Stones Part V

Today I've been sitting outside quite a bit (praying, working on my computer, thinking, etc), and I decided that one 'stone' in my Josh 4 memorial is nature. Not just generalized - nature as a concept - nature, but those moments when I get to commune with God. God often speaks to me through nature...not like a 'being one with nature kind of way,' but rather, nature being a sanctuary where my heart and mind can be still, and where I can pause and experience a 'come Lord Jesus' moment (being one with my Creator). God speaks loudly to me in the quiet (which may be paradoxical when put like that), that is, He speaks powerfully in the quiet of nature. Like now, when the soil of life seems to be up-tilled, I sit and hear the wind blowing through the trees, the sound of the leaves creating soothing choruses, while I find rest as creation seems to remind me that the Creator is in control. Or like the pause that gazing at the Milky Way gives me as I breathe in the cool mountain air. It never fails to take my breath away, while it whispers the mighty power of the One Whom I follow. Sometimes it's the Lord's voice that I hear, saying: "I see your heart, I hear your voice, I love you..." In those moments it's not just about noticing the impact of the moment, but the realization that I am noticed...by the most important One: the One who made me, Who desires me, and Who has called me to lose myself in the experience of knowing Him.

So 'stone' number 9 is the revelatory moments (as small as they may have been), where God has grabbed my attention through nature, wooed my attentions and affections, and reminded me who I am and why I do what I do.

Trust, Part Three: the waiting factor

I know that I'm in the middle of a series on "trust," but since the topic is pretty much synonymous, I decided to include this bit on "waiting." I wrote the following article for a prayer site that I've been developing:

Waiting is something synonymous with being human, and something that has been a muse for my creativity for some time now. I actually wrote a song entitled “Waiting” that is on my CD Depravity, Grace and Reckless Abandon. The lyrics go:

This road is dusty
And it’s getting to my eyes
So that I can’t see where I’m going
Or even the time

 But I’ll trust in You
Though it feels hurtin’ to me
And though I can’t see

 Job, Abraham and Sarah
We could talk for hours
About wishing that Your timing
Was a little closer to ours

 But I’ll toast to You
With my rusty heart
And my cup that’s full of tears

 Chorus:
Lord, I’m waiting, I’m waiting
For You to save the day

For You to hold this heart (repeat)
Walking for miles through mud and rain
Looking for the sun to rise
On a field so dry, I cannot feel
It’s as if something has died

 So I’ll wait for You
With my hands tied
So that I can feel the joy of Your touch

 And they that wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength
They will mount up with wings as eagles
They will run and not grow weary; they’ll walk and not faint
So teach me Lord…to wait

Lately I’ve been meditating on how waiting is God’s tool for developing character and fruit in the lives of His people.

::Coming to the end of ourselves::

It seems that (looking at Scripture) one common thread that ties every person to another is the fact that everyone waits.

Fact: no one (that I’ve met at least) likes waiting.

I’ve never once seen a person excited to go to an amusement park for the purpose of waiting in line. No, they go for the rides, the fun, maybe the food, but definitely for the pleasant memories. People tend to remember the fruit of their waiting, not the process itself. One may remember, “Oh, yeah, the line for that line was horribly long…but, the ride was awesome! It was so worth it!” We have technology so that we can get what we want, as quickly as we possibly can. Our food, our news, our communication (the internet, cell phones, etc.) – we live in a fast-food, information infused world with technology accelerating at an exponential rate. Things that make us wait are things that don’t survive the competitive market – the market for your attention.

It seems that this has affected our prayer lives. Maybe the truth of the matter is that many Christians (especially in the West) tend to live a prayer-less life because of the waiting. We want to talk to God, and hear from God, but don’t want to wait for the answer. The tendency has been to have mindsets of spiritual consumers, and God and His blessings are the commodities. The only problem is: it doesn’t seem that that is how God chooses to work. The consumer mindset seems to make us think that we inhabit crucial roles that God alone truly rules: Lord and provider.

In God’s graciousness, he is so kind to break us of our selfishness, when we yield to Him. The result? Trust, faith…joy. Frederick Buechner masterfully captures this in his book Telling the Truth: The Gospel as tragedy, comedy & fairy tale (1977)

And who are the few that hear it? They are the ones who labor and are heavy-laden like everybody else but who, unlike everybody else, know that they labor and are heavy-laden. They are the last people you might expect to hear it, themselves the bad jokes and stooges and scarecrows of the world, the tax collectors and whores and misfits. They are the poor people, the broken people, the ones who in terms of the world’s wisdom are children and madmen and fools…Rich or poor, successes or failures as the world counts it, they are the ones who are willing to believe in miracles because they know it will take a miracle to fill the empty place inside them where grace and peace belong with grace and peace. Old Sarah with her China teeth knows it will take a miracle to fill the empty place inside her where she waits for a baby that will never come, so when the angel appears and tells her a baby is coming she laughs and Abraham laughs with her because, having used up all their tears, they have nothing but laughter left. Because although what the angel says may be too good to be true, who knows? Maybe the truth of it is that it’s too good not to be true (p. 70-71).

Waiting often gets painful, lonely, and desperate, but it is a landscape for a miracle. God answers prayer, and as He does, it changes us, softens our hearts, and will redeem situations that we may have given up on.

::A call to voluntary weakness::

“We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.” (Psalm 33:20)

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2)

Waiting is often a choice, we can choose to do it or we can try to concoct our own solutions to situations. However, if our desire is to see God move in power – the way He wants to – then our choice is already made up for us: we must wait. A quip that I would share in concerts before my song Waiting is, “When we wait until the last moment it’s called ‘procrastination,’ but when God does it it’s called ‘perfect timing,’ and I don’t think that’s fair. However, if I wanted what was fair, I’d be dead, because the wages of sin is death…so I guess I’ll wait…” Waiting goes against the fiber of a humanistic, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps society, however, it is still a tool that God uses for our transformation. Not only choosing waiting, but learning how to embrace it, is crucial for our lives – and a non-negotiable for our prayer lives. This doesn’t mean we have to necessarily enjoy the process, but we can find hope, joy, and strength in the fact that the outcome will be the Lord’s plans for us – and not our superficial solutions (which at the end of the day won’t satisfy the longings of our hearts).

Bob Sorge wrote in his book Unrelenting Prayer (2005), “Delayed answers by nature tend to cause us to lose heart. ‘Hope deferred make the heart sick’ (Proverbs 13:12). This heartsickness is a natural human response when we are waiting on God for a long time” (p. 4-5). In Psalm 130:5-6 the psalmist wrote, “I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.” There is a certain longing in our voluntary weakness that does not go unnoticed by God. He answers, He is faithful, and He is changing us – and our situations – in the process. Our heartsickness and our tears are not ignored either, they are acts of worship as we choose to wait, put God first, and declare that He is Lord and our provider.

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD (Lamentations 3:25-26)

Reference:
Buechner, F. (1977). Telling the Truth: The Gospel as comedy, tragedy and fairy tale. N.Y.: HarperCollins Publishers.
Sorge, B. (2005). Unrelenting Prayer. Greenwood, M.O.: Oasis House

Trust, Part One: the lesson we keep learning until we die

To be grateful for the good things that happen in our lives is easy, but to be grateful for all of our lives- the good as well as the bad, the moments of joy as well as the moments of sorrow, the successes as well as the failures, the rewards as well as the rejections- that requires hard spiritual work. Still, we are only grateful people when we can say thank you to all that has brought us to the present moment. As long as we keep dividing our lives between events and people we would like to remember and those we would rather forget, we cannot claim the fullness of our beings as a gift of God to be grateful for. Let's not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are now and trust that we will soon see in it the guiding hand of a loving God (Nouwen, 1997).

One of the reoccurring reads on my bookshelf is Ruthless Trust: the ragamuffin's path to God (Manning, 2000). This book was given to me by dear friend Jay the Pauperly Prince (sometimes it's 'Princely Pauper' depending on the day :-) the Christmas of 2000. Jay is a true ragamuffin like me. Every year I find myself back in this book contemplating trust, my life, and how no matter what happens in my life, the issue I return to is trust. For that reason, I've decided that trust is the lesson that we keep learning until we die: literally, and metaphorically spiritually. I do wish that it were one of those things that you just pay your dues on and move on to the next lesson, or 'level' (if the video game metaphors work for you). I've learned that no matter how good my negotiation skills get, I can't seem to convince God that I don't need anymore object lessons on the subject. However, as masochistic as it may seem at times, I am learning to enjoy this 'dance' in the wilderness. Manning writes, "Uncontaminated trust in the revelation of Jesus allows us to breathe more freely, to dance more joyfully, and to sing more gratefully about the gift of salvation" (Manning, 2000, p. 30).

I guess what I'm saying is that it's alright with me. The tragedies that we experience are ok - it hurts, but it's ok. The unknowing, blindfolded existence of following this invisible God, is ok. The result outweighs the momentary discomfort. I have a propensity to make sense of things and to be in control of my future, and realize that those two areas cannot be non-negotiables with me if I claim that Jesus is Lord. I'm learning to surrender in every sense of the word (to yield to the power of another, to give oneself up, etc.). I'm learning how to (as Manning puts it) breathe, dance, and sing, the way that I have been created to. Fortunately, living as a missionary right now, my daily life is an incubator for these lessons, and lately the incubator has been burning so hot that it's been burning out the dross (sorry for the mixed metaphor - I realize that it's slightly paradoxical, since incubators help things grow, and the process of metal purification is to destroy. *destroy impurity, but still. I'm sure you can see that it all works together...).

Finally, Manning wrote:
"To be grateful for an unanswered prayer, to give thanks in a state of interior desolation, to trust in the love of God in the face of the marvels, cruel circumstances, obscenities, and commonplaces of life is to whisper a doxology in darkness" (2000, p. 37).

"So, thank you Abba, Jesus, and Holy Spirit, for every twist and turn, stone and thorn, mountain streams and dried up river beds on this journey. I do believe that it is all worth it considering the Prize. Thank you for whispering Your sweet affections of reckless love toward me this morning. Please, in Your grace, continue to draw me close to You, teaching me to breathe more freely, to dance more joyfully, and to sing more gratefully about Your gift of salvation. Amen."

Reference:
Manning, B. (2000). Ruthless Trust: the ragamuffin's path to God. NY: HarperCollins
Nouwen, H. (1997). Bread for the Journey. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco

Prayer: Experiments in Abandon Part 9

"The number one thing that prayer changes is: us!" R.C. Sproul

I enjoy Theology. Theology is the study of God, and there is a significant difference (I believe) between being a student of Theology and being a Theologian. Studying the study of God and studying God Himself are two different things. When I was getting to know my wife at the beginning of our relationship I definitely asked people who she was, what she did, etc. But none of those things helped me to get to know her as much as when I actually talked to her. Now obviously a little bit of talking turned into A LOT of talking, and so eventually we both decided that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives getting to know each other. I have become addicted to a relationship with God; a relationship being all that it is: full of conversation, learn how the other person is and thinks, etc. Prayer is essential to Theology. What would it be if, in our engagement, I decided that I would get to know Marissa without talking to her. It would be absurd! But I have met some people that study who God is without conversation with Him. And when they do talk to Him, they come with fear (and not a fear as reverence) of doing it wrong. That fear of course is based on not knowing Him and His desire for us. It's important to have a proper view of the One we are praying to, but the greatest mind engaging in the best possible revelation of who God is, is still just whistling in the darkness of a dimly lit mirror. Fortunately, the One who knows our frame is so merciful in our coming. Really, we could not come (period) to Jesus without the Father drawing us (John.6.44). The feeble prayers that we offer up are offerings of a creature begging (in one form or another) to it's Creator. And this Creator created the creature (that is coming) for the very act of that creature coming.

I'm a big advocate for A LOT of prayer. Prayer changes things. When we pray, God enjoys to move in the world and in lives of people. The incredible mystery in the sovereignty of God is that He enjoys conversation and partnership with us. The most incredible thing that prayer changes, though, is: us. As we wait in weakness, and continually return to the place of silence (sometimes solitude), and engage in this active faith, God shapes us and, often, reveals Himself to us. Considering all the things that we could give ourselves to, it seems that prayer is the essential for a meaningful, vibrant, and incredible life.

Marissa and I are moving in 4 weeks, and how this "prayer thing" plays out in our lives is absolutely crucial. We cannot (in our own power) do this. And we are dependent on God for the effectiveness of our place in this new season. To see, though, how God has answered prayers before we prayed them is amazing. For us, prayer is not an ATM machine that we go to when we need something, but rather it's a communion with our Father in Heaven who knows all our needs, and fulfills all those needs (Matt.6.8). It is eerie how God has provided for us through His Bride (the Body of Christ). Things that were in the back of our heads as things that needed to get done, were taken care of before we fervently asked for them. He is utterly prevenient in our journey of following Him; showing us that the path He creates for us is really a creative expression of His love for us, and His love for the world. It's about His love for the world because this new chapter that we're entering into is not about building our own kingdom, but the Kingdom that does not fade or come to an end and to love others with a love that does not quit. It's a love that He defines; and we pray that He will continue to define that perfect love to the world through the imperfect Bidderman's.